This week was wonderful. The weather was beautiful and that
always makes me a little bit happier. Being able to study outside is
the highlight of my day sometimes. Exciting news of this week,
Elder Russell M. Nelson came and spoke to us for our Tuesday night
devotional. It was so good. Something that he addressed made an impression on
me, it was about our time on a mission, and our time on this earth: "This
isn't a place for people to rest, it's a time for people to progress." I
loved it. Sometimes, even though all I want to do is take a 14-hour nap, I have
this time that I have been set apart as a missionary and it is not a time to
rest. It is time for me to dig in my heels and work, like I have never worked
before.
This week went by so fast. Sometimes when I sit down to write I
can hardly believe that an entire week has gone by. I'm very excited to now
be able to say that my time here in the MTC is officially halfway over. On
the one hand I get giddy simply thinking about finally getting out of
here and being in Korea, however on the other hand I have what I
can only describe as utter terror of the unknown. Contemplating I will be in an
entirely different country in approximately 4 short weeks, where let's face it,
I can understand almost nothing of what is being said scares the curls right
out of my head. Don't misunderstand me, I want to be there so badly it hurts,
and my Korean is improving every day, but sometimes it's far too easy
to think that I can't do this, that it's too much, and that it's too hard.
My post today will be somewhat similar to what I wrote last
week. When I start to think about what I want to write I think about questions
and problems that I have. I need help preparing my thoughts on those things,
and that forces me to make a plan to search for scriptures and gospel
principles that will help me say what I feel. So apparently I did not learn my
lesson well enough last week.
In my day-to-day life at the MTC, as well as back at home, there
are plenty of things that can be frustrating to me, things that can cause me to
become upset. I will give you two very quick examples from my life here at the
MTC. Living with girls 24/7 is not easy for me. I feel as though I am a little
bit too independent to have someone around me all of the time, yet here that is
what I must do. It's not always fun for me, and some days I get a little frustrated.
I love the girls in my district and usually we get along well, however, there
are those times when personalities grate just a bit and then I have to
bite my tongue. I need my space. Another frustration is my language study.
Similar to needing my space, most days go along fairly well and I feel pretty
good about Korean and about the pace at which I am learning. Then those bad
days come along. The days where I feel like I haven't learned anything in the
past 4 weeks or that I just cannot seem to grasp a concept. Those days aren't
fun and they usually aren't productive either. Frustrations tend to build up
over time, but the day they come to fruition seems to negate all the positive
days, which far outweigh the other.
When these periodically frustrating days happen it is very easy
to let ourselves become stymied, to hold on to the little things that go wrong
and not move on. I have recognized in myself, and in those that I come in
contact with here, that holding on to that anger or frustration only holds us
back. It bars us from progressing by causing us to dwell in the past.
Last week I mentioned that the Plan of Salvation is a plan of
happiness. God does not want us to dwell in unhappiness or frustration. It is
Satan who wants us to give up for whatever reason, or to feel like we can not
do something. He wants us to get frustrated at little things, like if so and so
doesn't read their scriptures. Then with anger in our hearts, we fail to get
anything out of our own scripture study. Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ
want us to shed that anger, and leave that frustration and discouragement
behind. That is one of the reasons we have the Atonement, Christ suffered all
of our discouragements or frustrations. He knows exactly what we are going
through and He can help. If we seek to apply the Atonement in our lives and
turn to Him in sincere prayer, asking for help, I know we will receive it.
Ultimately it is our choice. It is up to us to decide if we will
let ourselves get upset or frustrated, or if we will turn to the Lord and
continue to press on, with a happy attitude and work as hard as we can.
Just as it says in 2 Nephi 2:27, "Wherefore, men are free according to the
flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are
free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men,
or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the
devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself."
Being frustrated is captivity.
I want to end with one more quote from Elder Nelson. He said,
"When you meet people for the first time do so with a smile. Men are that
they might have joy -- Look like it!" (2 Nephi 2:25)
Men are that they might have joy. I hope the next time you choose
anger or frustration you remember this scripture, and instead, let it go
and turn to the Lord. I know that I want to try my best to do so.
I love you all and hope you are well.
Love,
Sister Annie
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