Again, it's been a while since I have written. (I had such noble
intentions when I entered the mission home.) Again, I am going to excuse myself
by saying time has simply flown by. I suppose I might be starting to sound like
a broken record but every week it amazes me that the dates have once again
moved forward. P-Day (preparation day), comes along and yet it feels like I
wrote just a couple of days ago. Anyway, I have been doing well (besides being
a sweaty wilted mess all the time). My new area is in the heart of the city.
Busan is so large that there are a couple of different areas assigned just
within the city limits. My hometown, Pleasant Grove, is not completely out in
the boondocks, but it is definitely not a big city. If I use Busan as a guide,
Salt Lake even pales in comparison in both geographical and population size. I have
traveled to metropolitan cities before, but my parents were always navigating,
I just had to trust and follow them around. Living and working in a large city
has been quite an adjustment for me and I will admit that sometimes it still
stresses me out a little bit. However, I am glad for the experience. If nothing
else, I am owning my own responsibility for where I find myself at sometimes
(does that make sense?).
If I am being honest (and I think that is best), I will admit
that this transfer has had a few disappointments. From the first day I arrived
most of our days have been filled with cancelled appointments; and justifiably
so, that can get a sister down. It makes me feel like the girl who gets stood
up on a blind date, it's not a good feeling. I feel rejected, without the
ability to let them see what I have to offer (if they only knew how wonderful
my message is). But, we have kept plucking along (that is a farm reference, and
I reserve the right to use it even though I am not a farmer, because I come
from farmers just two generations back.) I am fairly confident in saying that
every missionary has experienced times like these. Having previously
experienced some level of both rejection and acceptance in the past I know that
hard times always come to an end. That doesn’t make it any easier to bear at
the moment, however. So I am just trying to enjoy the journey, because that is
where the wonderful moments are found. On
the bright side, as we walk from place to place at least we are enjoying the
outdoors.
As the inevitable end of my time as a missionary is drawing
closer, it has caused me to consider more and more exactly what it is that I
have learned through this experience. Something I have been thinking about
lately is sacrifice. Everyone says that a mission is a sacrifice, and I
understand why they say that. Missionaries obviously give up many things to be
able to serve a mission. However, recently I have been wondering if we treat
that word too casually? To be considered
a true sacrifice, it is necessary that nothing be gained in return. So again,
if I am being honest, a mission is not a sacrifice, because I have been given so
much in return. In fact, I think that when all is said and done I will realize that
I actually received more than I gave. I know that the “things” that we give up
to serve a mission are not the things that matter in the end. So what makes a
true sacrifice? I found a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I believe offers
a good answer to this question. He says, "Real personal sacrifice never
was placing an animal on the altar, instead it is a willingness to put the
animal in us upon the altar and letting it be consumed." In essence,
sacrifice for the Lord isn't giving up "things", but it is giving up
those parts of ourselves that are acting contrary to what the Lord would have
us do. This is what I am hoping to give to the Lord for the remainder of my mission. I definitely have
a long way to go, but I have three more months to practice "true" sacrifice. I know
that as we align our will with God's will our lives (and our testimonies) will be guided to places far
better than we could ever dream of.
I love you all and hope you are having a wonderful summer!
Love,
Sister Annie
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