Monday, August 5, 2013

"Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?" Mormon 5:23

I am so sorry for not blogging last week. It was transfer day and we had a whole fiasco trying to find a computer so we could email, so I was a little rushed for time. You see we don’t have computers at our disposal; rather we have to find public ones to use. So when we leave an area and move to a new one we have to search out public computers. My trainer’s mission was finished and of course she had to leave me. I was sad she was going home to America, not because I wanted to go, but because She has become a friend and I will miss her a lot. However, I knew immediately that I am going to love my new companion as well. She is Korean and the sweetest person ever. I will admit that sometimes it gets a little difficult to communicate with each other, but we always figure it out. You can figure it out when you are both trying your best. The Korean dictionary app on our phone has become my new best friend.

This week has been hot and long. We have been working hard to keep busy and find constructive ways to spend the Lord’s time. Our travels have meant that most of our time has been spent walking in the noonday sun. Towards the middle of the week I became a little discouraged and it was affecting my inner happiness. You see I recognize that I have a natural disposition toward happiness. When someone asks me if I see things half empty or half full I think, wait isn’t it full? This is becoming clearer to me as I am getting older. I now see that everyone does not share my optimism. Well this week I had opened a crack in my reality. It seemed like no one wanted to talk to us as we searched for opportunities on the streets. Additionally, the few appointments we were able to make were canceled. This made me feel a little like a lost puppy; a little unloved, and a little forlorn. I couldn’t figure out how to pull myself out of it. Even though I'm not the senior companion, I am familiar with the area so my companion often looks to me for what to do. Unfortunately what I wanted was someone to pick me up off the hot pavement and tell me how to fix it.

I felt like there was no one to look to for advice. When I was at home I would turn to my family and friends, but they are so far away, and even then I can only communicate through weekly emails or letters, and that takes time. I have to admit that I was feeling a little abandoned. In the midst of my self-doubt I was studying one day and I came across a quote I had written down while I was in the MTC. Written across the top of a page in my journal was "More than you know He is with you, more than you know He is helping you." As I sat there tears came to my eyes and I realized how silly I had been. I wasn't alone at all. The “He” is Christ, and the “help” is the Holy Ghost. No matter where I am or what I am doing, no matter what trials I am experiencing, whether they are small or large, I have the companionship of the Holy Ghost. He is my constant companion. He will guide me, sustain me, and comfort me if I live worthy of his companionship. Even then we can get discouraged. Sometimes we get so lost in our unhappiness that we forget the simple message that was written across the top of our page when we were baptized. I know I am here trying to do the Lord's work. He has called me here and He will not let me do it alone.

But we need to remember that we are all called to represent the Savior and testify of Him through our baptismal covenants. If we live worthily of our covenants we are promised that we will never be alone. We have been given an assurance of help and guidance, not just in missionary work, but in our day to day lives. We are all called, and we are all set apart as representatives of Jesus Christ, and that implies that we share a message of happiness. How can we share such a message of joy and contentment unless we are happy?  As I think about it I know that if we try to live the commandments and follow the plan God has provided for us, we give ourselves over to Him and we are in His hands. His promise is that He will be there beside us. He will not leave us alone and He will always be there to pick us up when we are walking along what seems to be a stretch of hot and endless pavement.

I love you all and miss you terribly,
Sister Annie

 P.S. Remember, the easiest way to make a missionary smile is to send a letter.

1 comment:

  1. Sister Atwood!

    I'm so happy to hear about how much you are growing spiritually. I had and have complete confidence in you. Feeling Lonely and realizing the Savior is with you is something we can learn of through the Spirit. Christ himself had a moment of lonilness and so did Joseph Smith when he cried out, "O God, where art thou?"

    Anyways I am really happy to see how well you are doing and love you so much! I pray for you and pray for your happiness and success

    love Brother Suung